1. It's nothing
When in the middle of a sentence, you stop short and say,
"I wanted to tell you something, but never mind, it's nothing", we
immediately get danger signs popping up left and right. Here's what you
actually come across as saying.
a) I don't think you're capable enough of understanding what
I was going to say
b) I don't want to share this information with you, I'd
rather do it with someone else
c) I have other important things to do, so goodbye.
2. Yap, yap, yap
God, can you women folk talk! We're perfectly okay as long
as you're yapping away with your girlfriends. We don't know where you find
endless things to talk about, but, we're sorry, we cannot spend five hours on
the phone with you. It not only heats up our ears, it sort of nibbles at our
brains. If only you'd shut up and listen to us every now and then. Whoever said
you're good listeners? You're only just waiting to start off with your story
the moment there is a second's silence in the conversation.
3. I don't know you
"You know everything about me, but I hardly know a
thing about you," is your common grouse. Now whose fault is that? Did we
ask you to tell us every damn thing about your life? Did we come and ask you
about every family member in your family and their quirks? If you voluntarily
offer information, it is not mandatory, we do the same. And if you think you
don't know us, place a hot seat and shoot with the questions, as long as it
comes with a guarantee for some action by the end of it.
4. Waterworks
When you bring out the waterworks, that's when you really
get to us. Is there a reason you cry at the bat of an eyelid? Do you have a tap
up there somewhere, which is at your beck and call? What is it with you women?
Do you have to cry for every little thing? You know how to use it well though,
because you use it to induce guilt; you use to win arguments; you use it to
tilt us to your way of thinking.
5. This or that?
You will hover over something for eternity: this dress or
that? Pasta or lasagna? Red shoes or blue ones? God, just pick up a damn thing
and get over with it, will you? We don't have the patience until you match
every piece of your outfit a million times and just when it seems to be coming together,
change your mind and star all over again. We don't really care after a point of
time. Yes, we want you to look your best, but we can't wait forever for you to
make up your mind.
6. Hairy Harry
I know it is really hard for women. You have to do so much
to look good for the men in your life. So much maintenance. I know all of that.
But unfortunately that's how it is. We love you for a reason. And when at times
there is hair on your upper lips or on your chin, it puts us off. Like you have
expectations of us: chivalry, commitment, humor, sensitivity, hygiene etc, we
too have certain expectations of you. And don't try to bleach your hair because
it's not the colour of your hair that's the problem, it's the hair.
7. Meddlesome monkey
We also don't like the fact you interfere in everything we
do: our hairstyle to our clothes to our drinking to the way we talk, walk, the
channels we watch etc. Always remember, you chose us for a reason, so why try
and change us now? So, please back off and give us some breathing room.
8. Tell us what to say
If you cook something and you ask us for our opinion, we are
instantly in trouble. If we say it is good, you say we’re saying it for the
heck of it. If we say it's not so good, you will say we are insensitive and
mean. If we say it lacks seasoning, you will make a face and tell us to take
charge of the kitchen. Same goes with everything else: from the dresses you
chose to something you paint or write or sing or whatever it is. Whatever we
say, we are in trouble anyway, so you might as well give us a list of
acceptable comments that we shall always follow.
